In the wording …

They say that a really good politician can tell you exactly where to go, and you will thank him for the directions.

I guess it isn’t exactly what you say, but how you say it. For example: There was a car race which only had two entrants – one South Dakota driver and one North Dakota driver. The South Dakota headline read “S.D. driver places first – N.D. driver comes in last.” The North Dakota headline read “N.D. driver comes in second, while S.D. driver comes in second to last.”

A distraught mother finally intervened in a sibling fight. “Young man, you just said that your sister is stupid and ugly. I demand that you tell her that you are sorry!” The boy swallowed hard and said, “I am sorry that you are stupid and ugly.” Then there is the story of a boy who exclaimed that he did not touch one cookie from the jar, yet when his parents discover that only one cookie remained, he said, “That’s the one that I didn’t touch.”

Hey quick, somebody call me a cab. “Okay, you’re a cab.”

To confuse matters even more, we purposefully use opposites. A huge man standing six foot thirteen and who blocks the sun from coming through double doors is often nicknamed “Tiny”. Robin Hood’s largest friend was named “Little John”. I know a very tall man whose nickname is “Shorty”. Girls’ names can be shortened to sound like traditionally male names, such as Samantha being called Sam, Roberta being called Rob. Then some girls’ names don't have to be changed; such as Bobby Jo or Terry Lee. I have lovingly altered my daughter’s middle name of Marie to Murray.

Somewhat like politicians, some young men can’t help but say things that can be taken two different ways. They want to date a girl because she has an outstanding … personality – go figure. Then we use confusing comparisons. A guy is called a wolf if he chases a girl who is a real fox, but he stays away from dogs and girls who act catty. Does calling a girl a “chick” mean that she is something to crow about?

We talk to our dogs more clearly than we do each other. We tell a dog to “sit” or “down”, but we tell our kids to “sit down”. You can cuss at your dog while petting him, and the dog loves it. We all says we will run somewhere, but everyone knows that we will take the car.

A Texan was saying at great length that it took all weekend for him to drive around his ranch. Finally, he was cut off by a South Dakotan who said, “Yeah, I had the same problem, but I unloaded that old truck of mine to a Texan and I got one that works. Now I can get around my place in just an hour or so.”

I love understatements like: “Houston, we have a problem” or “Dear, the cake was just a little dry” when you used it as a car jack.

I remember the good old days when George Burns told his wife, “Say good night, Gracie” and she happily responded, “Good night, Gracie.”