Mistakes happen ...

It finally happened. I actually made a mistake. Actually, years ago, I thought that I had made an error, but I was mistaken.

Thank goodness everyone makes mistakes. The key to mistakes is the degree of importance they are and how you deal with them. It's all relative (and yes, some relatives are mistakes). A kindergartner with a pencil and an eraser saying "oops" is not the same as a brain surgeon or a Rabbi saying the same thing. Leaving your car lights on is not as bad as leaving the car out of gear on a hill. Stepping outside in bare feet to get a newspaper is not as bad as doing the same thing and being reminded that you own a dog. When taking a picture of your girlfriend posing on a pier, instead of you backing up for better focus, don't tell her to; she might not think it funny, especially if she absentmindedly does back up.

A man learns quickly not to make mistakes around his wife. You do NOT accidentally call her by the wrong name. When walking through a store with your wife, and she asks if you like that other woman's shoes, you don't say that you didn't notice the shoes - you say, "What woman?" A wise father does not tell his children about all the things he used to get away with. Let them reinvent the wheel. Don't let the young children play with the black cat in the back yard, you know, the one with a white stripe down its back.

Some mistakes are instantly discovered, like when the slushy mudball meant for your brother overshoots and hits the teacher instead. If you go to a Dude Ranch, check that the "D" is not an "N." Don't try to milk a cow if it has horns. When you bend over in tight pants and they rip, why is there always someone nearby? Some mistakes are slowly discovered, like realizing that you need to trim your toenails after several months of tossing and turning on a waterbed. Some goofs are just dumb, like a teenager sneaking out their window at night and climbing back in after a light snowfall, thus leaving prints outside the window. By the way, don't store the flavored Exlax near the baking chocolate. Try not to have a sudden sneezing fit while sitting in the barber chair. Some mistakes are just bad timing, like after having dental work done, trying to tell the policeman that you didn't know the taillight was out and calling him "Ossifer." Extra care can stop some mistakes, like two people with braces kissing or a guy with a moustache blowing out the birthday candles. Some mistakes are actually traps; "Honey, does this dress make my backside look big?" Give someone a coffee cup that has words printed on it - upside down. Don't plant seeds that someone sent you from Mexico.

In covering up a mistake, dazzle people with brilliance or baffle them with bull. Politicians try the first, but end up doing the latter. Writers can't hide their mistakes like radio commentators can. Being in print makes it easy to see. I never make mistakes, and to prove it