What extremes would you go to in order to get the small-town, nosey busybodies out of your hair? For comedy-loving communities like Hayes, Midland, Milesville and Philip, that might be an unfair question.

The make-believe residents of the hilarious community of Beaver Haven aren’t really that fictional. Yes, there is a jack-of-all-trades who romantically falls for the craziest lady in town. Yes, the town gossips have a permanent target on a weird woman who is a real ... well ... witch. And, yes, the newest celebrity in town wants nothing more than to be unrecognized and live in peace.

I overheard two people who were purchasing lottery tickets. One asked if they should include their other friends, because if only those two won, the others would be upset in not sharing the $99 quadrillion winnings. The second person joked that if they won that much money, they could afford to buy new friends.

In all seriousness, though, the lottery wouldn’t be enough. And, definitely, my wallet, checkbook, and wildest dreams wouldn’t be enough.

I can pay a mechanic to fix my car. I can trade any modest skills of mine for a paycheck from an employer.

Billie Baker of Carson City, Nevada, died on February 10, 2006 in Carson City.

She was born June 21, 1911 in Philip, South Dakota, to Jess Baker and Elsie (Garrett) Baker.

Billie graduated from Philip High School. She attended and graduated from a teacher’s college in South Dakota and taught elementary school there for two years.

Memorial services for Helen K. Gorr of Chadron, NE, were held February 10, 2006, at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church with Father Edward Cortney officiating. Burial was at Calvary Cemetery.

Vigil services were held at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church on Thursday, February 9, 2006.

Mrs. Gorr died February 2, 2006 at Chadron. She was 88. A memorial has been established for the Chadron Volunteer Fire Department and Rescue Unit.

Donations may be sent to Chamberlain Chapel, PO Box 970, Chadron, NE 69337.

Mrs. Gorr was born April 27, 1917 in O’Neill, NE, to Harry J.

Linda J. Thomas, age 57, of Interior, died Friday, February 24, 2006, at the Hans P. Peterson Memorial Hospital in Philip.

Mass of Christian burial was celebrated Tuesday, Feb. 28, at St. Patrick’s Catholic Church in Wall with Father Leo Hausmann as celebrant and Father Ron Garry as con-celebrant.

Music was provided by Mary Erz, organist, Lisa Fisher, vocalist, and Daniel Green, guitarist.

Ushers were Jesse Baysinger and Casey Short Bull. Pallbearers were Larry Joe Lange, Willie, Tom, Tony and Allen Grimes, Wayne Barber and Brad Gartner.

Olive Jane Taggart, 94, of Aberdeen, SD, died Tuesday, February 21, 2006, at Bethesda Home of Aberdeen.

Funeral were held Tuesday, February 28, at Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Aberdeen with Revs. Allan Schoonover and Keith O. Hanson officiating.

Burial was at Timber Lake Cemetery, Timber Lake, SD.

Olive Jane Hogen was born July 18, 1911, at Jackson County, Kadoka, SD, to Thomas N. and Marie (Langorgen) Hogen. This is the area where she attended school. She worked at home and for area families.

Olive married C. Paul Swisher on December 25, 1929, at Kadoka.

With the emergence of Homeland Security, there is now a position entitled the Haakon County Emergency Manager. Lola Roseth began the job’s responsibilities on October 5, 2005.

The job description may be compact, but the methods of fulfilling the many job facets are always evolving. Haakon County Emergency Management is charged with the overall mission of protecting its citizens and their property from the effects of natural and man-made disasters.

by Del Bartels

Nicolle Wiekamp is the new intern at Ravellette Publications of Philip. She began on Monday, February 27 and will complete the on-the-job training in the middle of May.

A news/editorial journalism student from South Dakota State University in Brookings, she is already a senior and needs only the internship time to graduate.

Graduating from high school in Clear Lake, a South Dakota town of around 1,100 residents, Wiekamp has learned to prefer weekly newspapers over the dailies.

The Midland School District is looking for a way out of a situation where 15 of its students attended other schools this year putting a greater burden on the district to fund education.

That solution was drafted in the form of a bill that would allow the school to contract with neighboring districts to take their high school students. Elementary school students would stay in Midland.